FALSE LOVE
1. False love's aim is to use the other person to fulfill your happiness.
2. Conditional - You give it only as long as the person is affirming you and meeting your needs.
3. Non-vulnerable. You hold back so that you can cut your losses if necessary.
TRUE LOVE
1. In true love your aim is to spend yourself and use yourself for the happiness of the other, because your greatest joy is that person's joy.
2. Unconditional - You give it regardless of whether your loved one is meeting your needs.
3. Radically Vulnerable - You spend everything, hold nothing back, give it all away.
OUR REAL PROBLEM
Nobody is actually fully capable of giving true love. Tim Keller writes,
"All our love is somewhat fake. How so? Because we need to be loved like we need air and water. We can't live without love. That means there is a certain mercenary quality to our relationships. We look for people whose love would really affirm us. We invest our love only where we know we'll get a good return. Of course when we do that, our love is conditional and non-vulnerable because we're not loving the person simply for himself or herself; we're loving the person partly for the love we're getting."We feel abused or manipulated when we're on the receiving end of fake love. We must also be aware that our love may be motivated by self-interests.
THE SOLUTION
"What we need is someone to love us who doesn't need us at all. Someone who loves us radically, unconditionally, vulnerably. Someone who loves us just for our sake. If we received that kind of love, that would so assure us of our value, it would so fill us up, that we could start to give love like that too. Who can give love with no need? Jesus."A true Christian remains in the love of Christ. Being loved by Jesus enables us to love friends and family with true love, a love without neediness. All the fakery and manipulativeness of human love fades away and the love of Jesus Christ, the only true love, will be operative in our relationships.
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